I was reading the book ‘Persuasion’ by Arlene Dickenson the other day and found myself in the internal conversation again of ‘what is my success and how does it determine how I feel about myself?’ I have done enough personal work to know to base my personal success on the kind of person I’m being and the impact I make for others and the world. I’ve learned that that is just what’s real and authentic for me. However, I realized that I still compare myself to some social ranking such as my finances, education, business success, status etc. Not that I don’t love those things, but am I thinking I don’t have them?
When I think I ‘should’ (that exhausting word) be more successful then what I am, I feel like I’ve failed and I become overwhelmed with how to ‘get’ there (another illusion) so I can feel happy, empowered and free. I know better, but it’s a pattern I sometimes fall into not being aware of at the time. When I get coaching and realize the disempowering conversation I’m having internally, I see how it affects how I’m being and I can snap out of it! No wonder I’m not being effective in creating, I’m unintentionally acting like a victim to circumstances. I realize that I have the power to shift things, to take actions and create what I’m up to and enjoy it. To ‘be’ success by realizing I am successful, I do what I love and I love my life and the people in it. I’m grateful for a wonderful life, full of experiences to learn and grow, live and love.
Of course there is such a thing as performance to see how effective you’re being in your actions to make an impact. Generally when we have high performance, which yields results from our actions, we feel successful. So the questions become: What are you creating? Who are you being? How are you performing taking those actions?
Quoting page 118, 119 of ‘Persuasion’: ‘It seems to me that the real questions to ask yourself are these: Did you hold on to your values and conduct yourself honourably? Did you make the world a slightly better place? Did you enjoy the journey? Did you acquire the wisdom of humility? If from the beginning those are your measures of achievement, you’ll be far better armed to ignore the negative self-talk and to avoid the trap of comparing yourself with others. And you’ll probably feel a lot more confident because even if you’ve never held a job, you already have a good idea from your behaviour toward others in everyday situations whether you’re capable of living up to your own ethical standards. Instead of not feeling good enough, you’re likely to feel pretty good about your chances of success.'...